"Marked"

Some time ago I wrote a post entitled, Convicted and Marked. I felt deeply about what I wrote then, and I still feel that way.

This morning, while driving in my car, I heard a portion of a Focus on the Family radio program on WMCU 1080AM and was strongly affected by what I heard. Phil Downer brought a message about the change God made in his life; here is a summary of what he said.

"At nineteen, Phil joined the Second Battalion, Fifth Marines, and was shipped to South Vietnam. He saw death all around him, and it was not easy to deal with. At one point, he was an "ammo humper" - the person who carried the ammunition for the machine gunners. He received several promotions; one of these promotions moved him from "ammo humper" to machine gunner. For about two months, he carried the machine gun in heavy combat until he was promoted to Machine Gun Team Leader, which meant that the guy behind him now carried the machine gun. One of Phil's best friends, John Atkinson from up-state New York, was "the guy behind him." He became Phil's gunner and took over the responsibility of carrying the machine gun in battle.

One day, the men in Phil's group had to charge across an open field and make a left turn. Several men did this before Phil; then it was his turn. Phil's team, with his gunner leading the way, now had to make the same maneuver. Just as John made the left turn, two enemy snipers fired on them. Phil dove to the ground and returned fire. As he was falling, a bullet went through the pack on his back from bottom to top. At the same time, he felt a heavy weight fall on him; the weight turned out to be his friend John and Phil's old machine gun. All of the bullets, except the one that went harmlessly through Phil's pack, had hit John, and he was dead.

This was a very painful experience for Phil - to see his good friend dead on the ground. You can probably imagine his thought at this time - at least some of them. One of the first things Phil thought about was that John had just received a letter from his wife telling him that she was carrying their first child; John would never see this child. Then Phil realized that not only was John dead, but that John had died in Phil's place. Until the recent promotion - only three days earlier - Phil had been the machine gun carrier. You see, the snipers had let everyone go by, waiting for the machine gunner. Had the promotion not taken place, Phil would have been dead on the ground; and John might still have seen his child. Phil said that that moment "marked" his life.

When Phil's thirteen month tour was up, he went home and attempted to restart his life. He got back into college (though this was no easy task since he had flunked out of college before going to war), but this time he was successful; he became a lawyer. While in school, he met and married a young woman who also became a lawyer. They both found good jobs and were on their way to the life they dreamed of.

Earlier in his story, Phil had said that John Wayne's portrayal of war as a positive or noble experience was a lie. He mentioned John Wayne (I'm a big John Wayne fan) again at this point. He said that John Wayne's portrayal of true happiness coming from success, position and family was a lie. Phil seemed to have everything, but he was not happy. On the surface, everything was fine; deep inside, he was empty, restless. Nothing brought real fulfillment or joy even though he seemingly had it all. Phil said that he went from "hero to zero."

The pressure of his work got to him. As a trial lawyer, there was a lot riding on what he did; businesses and livelihoods depended on the outcome of the trials, and the responsibility of it affected him. He began to bring his problems, fears, frustrations, and anxieties home with him, and he took them out on his wife. He began to break all of the commitments he had made to his her. His temper was out of control; he broke furniture, punched holes in walls, and slammed the phone against the walls in anger. He never struck his wife, but he crushed her; he broke her heart.

At this point, he was invited by a fellow lawyer to go to a Christian retreat, but he said no. About a month later, his wife (who had never asked him to do anything just for her) asked him to go on the retreat. He agreed through he did not want to be there.

Initially, he did not participate in the retreat; he just sat at the back doing nothing. As the meetings progressed, the men began to share about the real issues of life, and this got Phil's attention. These men had gone through the same things Phil was going through. Then they explained to Phil that God love him, that God knew all about him and still loved him enough to send His Son to die for him. Phil had heard this before; but this time it meant something to him; it broke his heart, and he received Christ as Lord and Savior. Phil found a peace, joy and contentment beyond all description - a contentment that he had never known before.

The change in Phil was so complete that his wife immediately saw it, and she became a Christian as well. Despite his change and her conversion, his wife was not interested in being married to him any longer; she had been planning to divorce him for a long time and no longer loved him. As a new Christian though, Phil's wife began to pray that God would give her a new love for Phil; and over about a year and a half, God gave her that new love, and they rebuilt their marriage. Out of this change that they both experienced grew a ministry called DNA - Discipleship Network of America http://www.dnaministries.org/."

Phil had been on a road to nowhere, but God was watching and directing his path. For reasons we cannot understand, God spared Phil's life by allowing John to die in his place; thus leaving a mark on Phil that would eventually drive him so low that he would finally be able to see God and surrender to Him.

If we are marked by God, that is a good thing. Thank God for His love and forgiveness.

Blessings to all.